Managing Resurgent EDs Under Quarantine
Illustration by Tijana Tripkovic (@tijanatri)
Content Warning: This piece includes descriptions and experiences of eating disorders.
With millions of people infected, tens of thousands of unfortunate deaths, and the rest of the world on lockdown, it’s safe to say the coronavirus pandemic is affecting everyone. It is an especially difficult time mentally and emotionally. The structures of our regular lives in which we have learned to cope have been stripped away. Now more than ever, we may be tempted to return to old habits, however unhealthy, in order to salvage some sense of structure.
As someone who has had an eating disorder, I know how difficult it can be. For 10 years, binging and restricting were my “drugs” of choice. I would choose to binge everything in sight, feel guilty, and then not eat for days. During the pandemic, a time full of anxiety, uncertainty, and stress, I’ve found myself triggered to return to my oldest emotional coping mechanisms: my fraught relationship with food. Though I haven’t slipped into previous habits, I have been newly tempted by them and feel guilty considering behaviors I know to be unhealthy. In these moments, I remind myself that healing is a process, active and ongoing. Despite the circumstances, I can choose to be the best version of myself and have acquired many tools over the years to do so.
Below are some ways I stay on track during these times:
Write It Down
I’ve noticed when I’m tempted to slip back into my disorder, it’s often because I’m avoiding my feelings. In the past, I used food to repress my trauma, when what I really needed was to feed myself with healing. Even though everyone recommends journaling, I still bring it up because it has helped me so much. Writing down my feelings is a way to process and reflect on what is happening to me. If I don’t feel like writing, I record voice memos on my phone. The point is to talk it out and get it out.
Don’t Diet
Many people are using quarantine as an opportunity to work on themselves, to push their careers or their fitness, and are advertising this on social media. While a culture of self-improvement can be positive, it can also cause people to put unfair pressure on themselves. For people with an ED or in the process of recovery, who are especially vulnerable to this pressure, please don’t diet! Instead, try to find a balance of things that feed your body and your soul. Enjoy your favorite chocolate, your grandmother’s mac & cheese, for the emotional nourishment it provides. If you need help learning how to eat healthily, nutritionists can provide guidance. If a nutritionist is not an option because of cost, as it is for many people, there are tons of online resources.
Seek Support
Sometimes, you can’t do it on your own. If you have a mentor or a sponsor, reach out to them! My sponsor’s support has changed my relationship to eating and encouraged long-term, inner work. You can also find an anonymous ED support group. Overeaters Anonymous helped my recovery, and they currently offer online group meetings for anyone in need. The National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA) also has an active helpline during the pandemic. Lastly, many amazing mental health practitioners have been offering free or sliding-scale sessions in response to the crisis.
Find Ways To Rest
It’s a stressful and dangerous time, period. Even those of us in quarantine, employed and not, need opportunities to rest and be calm. Breath work, yoga, and meditation can all be effective but so can watching a movie that makes you laugh. Sometimes, we need a distraction, and those distractions don’t even have to be solo activities. From DJ’s hosting virtual sets on Instagram to exercise instructors offering free, online classes, there are tons of options for socializing at a safe distance. Most importantly, though, do what keeps you sane!
As we collectively move through this difficult time, make sure to take care of yourself. Comfort yourself, nourish yourself, be deliberate and honest about your needs. Stay safe, stay healthy, and stay indoors.
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Néné Diané is the host of the podcast Etc and Culture, where she explores what it means to be vulnerable with others who are brave enough to share their stories and ideas. Her driving force is her passion for understanding others and what it means to heal. Her hobbies include reading, traveling, finding new music, astrology, tarot, spirituality and adopting new plants. She recently moved to LA.
Tijana Tripkovic (@tijanatri) is a graphic designer from Serbia, Belgrade, and an independent illustrator on the side. Her intention is to show nude women in private moments of solitude and reflection. The nakedness is an expression of shameless self-love rather than sexuality, and demonstrates their freedom in a physical and psychological sense, as well as their independence.
