Thoughts from a Freelancer in Self-Quarantine
Illustration by Shiraz Blassingame / @f.e.m_art.
“Are you more worried about losing the job and income–” my friend, Fiona, asked me, referring to my freelance gig “–or the health concerns over the fact that the school hasn’t closed yet?” This was two days before Bill de Blasio asked that all New York City public schools shut down until April 20th.
By trade, I freelance in theater and event production. Most of my professional work consists of gathering people together in real time to be amused, educated or entertained safely. I thrive on helping organize and build community, and the coronavirus pandemic has thrown a huge wrench into, not only my career, but my passion. I think it’s fair to say I’m not alone.
The day Fiona and I had that exchange, everything –Broadway, museums, movie theaters, etc.–also shut down. All gatherings of over 500 were cancelled for the foreseeable future. At the time, I was on stipend as the technical director for the Spring Drama Festival at Fiorello H. LaGuardia High School . Technically, I still am. Though, I am unsure when or if I will be coming back to finish the job.
“Neither, really,” I replied. “I’m most stressed about being distanced from my friends, coworkers, and my team.” After graduating college, I moved away from my immediate family in Chicago to build a network in NYC. I put my heart and soul into my work because I love what I do. I love the people I get to collaborate with. During the two years I have spent freelancing in the Big Apple, I have had the privilege to meet some of the coolest, most unique humans. Now, due to social distancing, not only can we no longer collaborate, we cannot even be in physical proximity to each other. I keep considering going back to the Midwest to be with my family during the pandemic. I have spent the entirety of my professional career in New York and there is a little voice in my head saying, “if a work opportunity arises, it will be in Manhattan. Why would you geographically sabotage yourself?” I don’t have nearly as big of a network in Chicago.
At the time of Trump’s travel ban on Europe, my mother was actually in Belarus. She had a flight back to Illinois scheduled for March 14th. Thankfully, she was able to get back into the country with her American passport. But for a long time, we were unsure if she could be reunited with my dad and brother or if she’d be put into a hotel room for quarantine. After four hours of standing in three different lines upon arrival at O’Hare Airport, her temperature was taken (no screening for the coronavirus was done), and she was released with a recommendation to stay home. As an immigrant, most of my family lives in Europe. With my mom, dad and brother in Illinois, my job network becomes my friend network and I really lean and depend on their support.
I spend so much time at work, it frequently becomes a “second home” of sorts for me. Therefore, not being able to see the people I’ve been spending almost 70 hours a week with on a regular basis is a huge blow to my mental health. Social distancing is meant to keep us collectively safe, and we need to work together to flatten the curve of the rate covid-19 is spread, but humans are such social creatures! It doesn’t take an anthropologist to figure out that self-quarantining in a tiny Manhattan apartment can be psychologically detrimental and so lonely.
Not all of us have the privilege to do work that we love. Many, including myself, depend on their job to provide a sustainable income. Personally, I don’t have the ability to work from home. While I can still pay my bills, for the time being, many are not so lucky. De Blasio’s most recent mandate to close all non-essential businesses has thrown the brakes on the US economy. The stock market is falling every day, and even our most conservative Republican senators and congressmen are voting to provide bail-out packages and relief funds for all industries negatively affected by the current pandemic.
“How much work have you lost because of coronavirus?” my coworker asked me on the last day the two of us would be in the same building for a while. She worked for Punchdrunk International, the immersive theater company that was showing Sleep No More and Woman in Black until they were also forced to take a hiatus. The emails rolling into our inboxes over the course of the previous few weeks say it best: multiple different versions of more-or-less the same script, “we value and appreciate your work for us over the years, but cannot afford to employ you until further notice.”
Now, I’m all but bracing for a message that LaGuardia High School might cancel their entire Spring drama season. The show might indeed not go on. I might lose my job altogether and, potentially, the rest of my stipend. These are scary times we’re living in, my friends. But we are absolutely not alone! Social distancing is, well, distant. But just because we don’t see each other as often does not mean we aren’t struggling, stressing and worrying right alongside each other, maybe just on the other side of the screen or in the apartment next door. Keeping a safe distance from friends, coworkers and family is definitely tough, but also an AMAZING act of solidarity. We are working together to keep the most vulnerable of us safe, even at the expense of our global economy.
In situations of stress or crisis, people’s nervous system activates their “fight or flight” response. Heard of it? Well, there’s a counterpart response called “tend and befriend,” a behavior in which folks look to their collective community for mutual defense. Personally, in this global pandemic, I want to be of service. The precarious nature of my own employment makes me want to help those in a similar predicament. Even those physically healthy have lost income and are struggling to afford bills, heat and groceries. If you can donate directly or via relief funds to them, any amount helps! Check out your favorite small business’s website, as many have added a button for donations. My friends and I organized, participated in and attended GroupMuses prior to coronavirus. I can’t listen to live music right now, but I can donate to musicians that I know and love. If you pay for gym memberships at boutiques, like Shaktibarre, and can afford not to cancel, don’t. Check out websites like GoFundMe for fundraisers to help those affected by COVID. If you have a favorite artist, podcast, musician or nonprofit, check to see if they have a Patreon. My favorite is Welcome to Night Vale. Not only do I get perks for supporting them, but I can offer continued monthly financial support through my membership.
What we are going through is a historic change, but every individual’s experience stands alone as a story. Theater is a form of storytelling I am professionally accustomed to. Despite the need to bypass public gatherings for the foreseeable future, our need to tell and hear one another’s stories is more important now than ever. Writing this piece in the country’s current climate feels prescriptive. My story is unique and valid, but in no way do I want my experience to represent those of freelancers or artists as a whole. The more I talk to my friends who are artists, the more I hear of shows being postponed indefinitely, concerts and gigs being cancelled and incomes, lives put on the line. I have been impacted by coronavirus but so have we all. Writing this piece was therapeutic for me. Hopefully, it can offer you a mirror for your own thoughts and feelings in any way it’s most supportive.
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Lidziya Rubanava started with Body Politic as an events intern last year and has stuck around ever since. Check out more of her work as well as freelance projects on her website or stalk her Instagram @fearlesslida.
Shiraz Blassingame is a self-taught artist identifying as F.E.M - fearless, embodied, and mortal. Find her work on Instagram @f.e.m_art. Commissions are open, so slide into her dm's to support her work!
