How Can I Help?
Our current global crisis demands a lot from us, and there are many ways to help - from donating, to volunteering, to advocating for increased testing and better medical resources. But when the crisis hits closer to home and a loved one or friend becomes sick, it’s easy to find yourself at a loss for what to do.
Based on our own experiences contracting and recovering from coronavirus, and the stories of others in the Body Politic virtual COVID-19 support group, we put together some tips on how to best support a friend or loved one who is sick or recovering:
DO
Some ways to offer support, both physical and emotional:
Offer to help with online tasks. When you’re sick with COVID-19, everything becomes more difficult, even something as small as ordering groceries or setting up a Telehealth appointment. Stepping in to help facilitate basic needs is a really great way to help.
Offer to help with offline tasks. If you are currently grocery shopping at stores and feel comfortable doing so, offer to drop off groceries outside your sick friend’s apartment. Since people with COVID-19 may be contagious, and need to isolate, it can be difficult to procure the necessary food and supplies.
Be sensitive to the fact that your friend is dealing with more than just quarantine boredom. While our current situation means everyone is facing serious emotional and mental challenges, people infected with COVID-19 are facing additional fears as well as extremely tough physical symptoms. Even if your friend seems mostly recovered, it’s likely that they’re still not in the baking banana bread stage of this crisis. Be aware that some people with coronavirus may have a lessened capacity for discussing the mental health concerns of otherwise healthy folks. Hopefully, there will soon come a day when lines of communication are completely open again in your friendship, but understand that for the time being, it may be best to table some topics.
Stay in touch! Keep in mind that phone calls might be difficult, due to breathlessness and fatigue. Texting once or twice a day (depending on your closeness, and usual patterns of communication) will likely make your friend feel supported. Sometimes it helps to offer the caveat that your friend doesn’t need to respond. A message like, “Thinking of you. Here if you need anything. I’m going to check in with you regularly, but there’s no pressure to reply if you’re resting or feeling overwhelmed by communication” can go a long way.
Offer to be a point of communication for others. While your friend may love getting texts and emails from their support network, it’s likely that they aren’t able to keep up with all the communications. Offer to check in with your friend once a day and, with their consent, update their family and friends accordingly.
Ask them what they need. It’s simple, but sometimes the best way to help someone in a difficult situation is to ask them what they need. Everyone is different and every COVID-19 experience is very different. Laying out some options on how you can help and asking what would be most beneficial is a great way to start.
DON’T
Some behaviors to avoid...
Impose your own framework of what you think illness or recovery should look like. Coronavirus is not the flu, and we still don’t know much about how it affects those it infects. Recovery may be very slow for some, and because many are experiencing a non-linear healing process, it can look confusing from the outside. It’s better to ask and listen than to assume.
Offer unsolicited advice. Drinking celery juice may have worked for you the last time you were sick, but that doesn’t mean your friend wants to try it. There is a lot of misinformation floating around about what is and isn’t helpful for fighting off COVID-19, and you don’t need to add to that noise, even if you’re well intentioned.
Share your friend’s diagnosis or symptoms without their consent. Telling people that you have coronavirus feels a little bit like coming out. There are societal stigmas attached to the identity of being COVID-19 positive, and some people’s first response is to question the diagnosis. It is each individual’s choice to share their diagnosis, and you shouldn’t assume that just because your friend told you they tested positive, they’re going public with the news. When in doubt, politely ask - and know that it’s better to protect private information than to accidentally share it.
Assume their illness isn’t real unless they’ve been tested. Most of us living in the U.S. are facing major barriers to getting tested. Tests are largely unavailable, and traveling to testing locations can be risky for many reasons. While it’s true that your sick friend could have the regular old flu, or a cold, trust that their concerns are real, and many people with COVID-19 are being forced to self-diagnose.
Treat your friend like an expert on coronavirus. Just because your friend has coronavirus, doesn’t mean they have encyclopedic knowledge on the virus, or even their own experience. While you may be itching to know how they contracted COVID-19, what their daily symptoms are, or whether they have pre-existing health conditions, it’s best to give your friend some space as they navigate the illness. They likely don’t have all the answers to your questions, and your inquiries may only add to the darkness and confusion they are feeling.
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Sabrina Bleich is a member of the Body Politic team and contributor to Body Type. She works in TV development and as a writer/researcher for film, TV, and podcasts. She dabbles in comedy as a member of the sketch comedy group, God Should Not Have Chosen Us. Find her infrequent tweets and other pieces at @rabbisabbi.
Fiona Lowenstein (she/they) is the Founder and Events Director for Body Politic. They are a freelance writer, producer, and wellness practitioner based in NYC. Check out their work at fionalowenstein.com and follow them on Instagram at @fi_lowenstein for updates on their next yoga class, selfies, and dog content
Caroline Reedy is a Brooklyn based digital artist, who has been mixing comedy with pastel colors since 2016. Her work is mainly inspired by pop art portraiture, mental health advocacy, and internet culture. She has had her work featured on Overheard New York/LA, Link NYC, and Hello Tittie. Check out her work on her instagram@doot_doodles.
