A Solo Valentine's Day?
Illustration by Caroline Reedy @doot_doodles
Heart-shaped balloons, romantic cards, chocolate of all kinds, roses, candle-lit dinners, and a plethora of other activities…Saint Valentine's day, known to most of us as Valentine’s Day: some hate it, some love it, and some may even be indifferent about it.
First, a little back story on this celebrated day. According to Encyclopedia Britannica, “The holiday has origins in a Roman festival, which celebrated the coming of spring, including fertility rites and the pairing off of women with men by lottery.” It’s interesting how this event has turned into the holiday we have today, one that is essentially a celebration of capitalism (but that’s a conversation for another day). There’s not one year that goes by that I don’t hear one of my friends (usually a woman) sharing her sadness at not having a Valentine. To be real, I was that person at one point, until I realized how much of the love I had for myself was dependent on the love others, and on love from men.
Not saying there’s anything wrong with wanting companionship, because that’s perfectly normal, but when you come to believe a partner is the only thing that validates your existence, then we have a problem my friends. I know it’s often said, but it’s true that no amount of love from someone else can take the place of the love you should have for yourself. Growing up, my mom used to say to me, “You come first, you come second, then it’s me.” She meant to make me understand that my connection to myself is more important than everything else, even my connection to her. This Valentine’s Day, instead of putting energy into longing for a partner, why not put energy into loving on yourself? Below is my guide to a self-love filled Valentine’s Day.
1. Take yourself to dinner.
As a self-proclaimed foodie, there is nothing I love more than venturing out to different restaurants and trying a variety of foods. I’m forever taking myself out on dates. I like to sit in the corner of the restaurant people watching, reading, and writing. Loving on my taste buds is one of the ways I show myself love.
2. Pamper yourself!
One word: GROUPON. People don’t utilize this enough. There are so many different types of discounts that this fabulous app offers: $35 or even less for a 90-minute massage, which I can say I’ve taken advantage of a plethora of times. So, treat yourself!
3. Make a self-love list.
Write down the things you love most about yourself. As someone who has struggled with self-love, I can definitely say writing this list was hard, but doing so made me realize important things about myself. Although we evolve constantly, and chances are you’re not the same person you were one year ago, I think it’s cool to concentrate on where you are in this particular moment, and what it is you appreciate most about yourself. When writing your list, see if you can be 100% honest with yourself, maybe including aspects of yourself you want to improve on. It’s not self-blame. Let’s call it…tough love.
4. Spend time but don’t spend a dime!
For those of us that live in super expensive cities, sometimes the reality is simply: you ain’t got it. The beauty is, you don’t have to shell out money to show yourself love. Meditation is one of my favorite ways to practice self-love. Taking time to meditate doesn’t cost a thing. It’s all about centering yourself, and helps you get closer to the higher version of yourself. Meditating requires you to step away from your electronics and other distractions to sit with yourself. And if meditation doesn’t speak to you, maybe you can develop some other sort of practice (not necessarily spiritual or religious) to ground yourself. Sitting in a warm bath usually works, and if you don’t have the means to buy a soap or bath bomb this year, a simple salt bath works wonders for your muscles and is overall a great way to detox. I know for a fact you all have access to salt straight from your kitchens!
5. Just because it’s not romantic love doesn’t mean it’s not love.
I stress the importance of loving yourself and not being codependent, but being around friends and family members that make you feel good is also a great way to V-day. Maybe this year, you’ll throw a small get-together with those who help you feel full. After all, who needs that candle-lit dinner for two when you can spend the evening talking, watching movies together, drinking wine, eating and bonding with your closest friends?
Wishing you all a happy and joyous Valentine’s Day full of love for those who surround you, but most importantly centered on the love you have for yourself.
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Néné Diané is the host of the podcast Etc and Culture, where she explores what it means to be vulnerable with others who are brave enough to share their stories and ideas. Her driving force is her passion for understanding others and what it means to heal. Her hobbies include reading, traveling, finding new music, astrology, tarot, spirituality and adopting new plants. She recently moved to LA.
Caroline Reedy is a Brooklyn based digital artist, who has been mixing comedy with pastel colors since 2016. Her work is mainly inspired by pop art portraiture, mental health advocacy, and internet culture. She has had her work featured on Overheard New York/LA, Link NYC, and Hello Tittie. Check out her work on her instagram @doot_doodles.
